GLOBAL WARMING

The planet’s getting warmer,

Cold winds no longer blow.

Polar bears have swum away

In search of ice and snow.

Now palm trees gently sway

In the soothing Arctic breeze.

Flowers bloom year round

Where glaciers used to freeze.

Ads promote enticingly

Spas and posh resorts

On the shores of Hudson Bay.

Come play your favourite sports!

Catch a flight to Inuvik;

It’s like Tampa used to be!

Take the super highway.

To the tropic Beaufort Sea!

Meanwhile way down south,

It’s too hot to go outside.

Soon the whole wide world

Will be Kentucky fried!

FUCK

Fuck is such a useful word in poetry and prose.

Besides a literal meaning that every body knows,

It rhymes with other words so your poems never miss.

There’s pluck, luck, duck and stuck, a few that make the list.

If you wish to give a jolt to those innocent of sex,

Drop a fuck or two in your stanzas or your text.

If you’re angry or depressed, and would let off a little steam,

Unload some pungent curses using fuck in a stream.

There are other profane words in English it is true,

But fuck is the worst to be really, really blue!

It makes but little sense; after all, it’s only sound,

And times they are a’changing. Its uses now abound.

In just a little while it’ll be just another word,

So use it while it’s hot, and gives grandmama a bird!

EGGS

Hens eggs are magical.

You can cook them many ways:

Poached, fried and boiled,

In salads and entrées.

Even when they’re raw,

As fresh oysters from the sea,

With Tabasco sauce,

You’ll know gourmet glee!

They’re healthy and nutritious,

Extra easy to prepare.

Serve them at picnics,

Or on fine dinnerware.

Eggs are cheap and plentiful.

Their numbers do abound.

They’re a budgetary value,

By the dozen or the pound.

And if you get pissed off

At your spouse or bosom friend,

Throw at him/or her an egg.

It will put conflict to an end!

FELONS

They’re smoking near a schoolyard!

Quick, before they run!

Zap them with your Tasers!

The law they mustn’t shun!

Cigarette smoke’s adrift

Over all those helpless kids!

Their health’s in mortal danger!

Society’s on the skids!

Lucky we were here

To catch them in the act!

Smoking! Can you beat it?

Confessions we’ll extract!

They’ll face a brutal judge

Who’ll sentence them to death.

They’ll go to the Devil

With tobacco on their breath!

But as they inhale their last,

They’ll have shown once more:

‘The law is a ass’*,

And why politicians we deplore!

*Quote from Mr. Bumble in Oliver Twist

RABBITS/HARES?

Rabbits (or are they hares?)

Are hopping wild and free.

They’ve overrun the neighborhood.

Rabbits multiply, you see.

They leap from the shrubbery,

On missions to and fro.

In the winter they’re invisible.

They blend in with the snow.

As they romp about and play,

They have a certain charm.

And so close is Easter day,

Who would cause them harm?

But there are far too many.

Let us not squeamish be.

Maybe rabbits (they’re really hares!)

Are good enough to fricassee?

KISSES

Kiss me in the morning,

Kiss me late at night.

Whenever she kisses me,

I’m again her gallant knight.

Kiss me when I’m angry,

Kiss me when I’m low.

Whatever mood possesses me,

Her kisses banish woe.

Kiss me in the summer,

Kiss me in the fall,

Kiss me in the winter,

And spring’s promise I recall.

Kiss me when I’m young,

Kiss me now I’m old.

Even in death’s dark shadow,

Her kiss is purest gold.